Sunday 31 January 2010

Beeees

Two bee-keepers are sat having a drink, discussing their bees. One says to the other, "So, how many hives have you got?". "Ten", he says.  "And how many bees have you got?". "Five thousand". So the first guy does some maths, and thinks to himself, "OK, 500 bees per hive - seems reasonable." He asks the second guy, "And how many bees have you got?". "A million", he says. "I see. And how many hives?". "One.". "Good Lord", he says. "A million bees in one hive?! Aren't they a bit crowded?". And the second guy replies, "Fuck 'em. They're bees."

Skipping

I phoned the council up and asked if I could have a skip in front of my house.  They said, "Do what you want, it's your house."

Saturday 23 January 2010

Competition

"Find a fat girl and start having sex with her.  Then say to her, "You're the fattest girl I've ever seen" and see how long you can stay on."

This joke is an example of exactly the kind of moral depravity which is sending our nation to the dogs.  Despicable.

Friday 22 January 2010

Optimistic marketing!

Guy outside Liverpool Street station.  Doing his thing, yelling, "Get your evening standard here" etc., whilst ON THE PHONE. Ha.